You know you have young children when….
I hope these make you smile. 25 ways you know you have small children…
1. You always talk about everyone in the third person. How often I can hear myself say “now mummy is going to go and get maya’s…” when there is only Maya and me in the room. I can’t recall the last time I called Doc by his name…he is now “papa”
2. Your idea of a good night is when you wake up after your children have slept through, and if this time is after 7am, its officially the best night ever. Partying wouldn’t even come into the equation.
3. You know the theme tune to majority of the shows on cBeebies and often start humming along to them as you would have once done to songs in the top 40. Things are really bad when on more than one occasion you have found yourself watching cbeebies or a smiler channel even though the children are in bed…
4. You point out every dog, cat, bird, aeroplane or anything else that would remotely interest your child, and have to follow saying the name with an appropriate sound. Like “wow, fire engine…followed by nee naa” and it seems perfectly normal to do this. More scary is that you sometimes point these things out even when there is no children with you….
5. You are now referred to as (child’s name)’s mum. Its like with the birth of your children, you have lost your personal identity and will forever be known as in my case Maya’s mum. Even when you introduce yourself to people in children centres/schools it is always as “Maya’s mum….” and often it doesn’t come into your mind to introduce yourself using your actual name.
6. Your clothes always have some remnants of your children’s food on them and you often find yourself looking at the stains on your clothes and wondering if you can manage to go out without changing. If you want to leave the house mess free, you have to change and leave the house without a chance meeting with your children.
7. Going to the supermarket on your own is as energising as having been to a spa day.
18. More embarrassingly, going to the loo without an audience is a novelty.
9. Even if the TV has been on for most of the day, you will have no idea of whats happening in the world. Your knowledge of current affairs and news is from your Facebook news feed rather then actually watching the news or reading a newspaper.
10. Your once sparkly tiles have children handprints all over them and the fancy glass bowl sink that you bought pre-children, is now the bane of your life as despite your daily efforts for cleaning it, it still looks a mess.
11. You have been gifted with the ability to decipher the most complex of foreign languages. From a few babbled words which literally sound like gobble de goop to everyone else, you are able to decipher that your child wants his blanket, a piece of fruit and wants to listen to that particular story.
12. With the birth of your children, you have suddenly become a ninja. You put your little angel to bed and to horror realise that you have left something that you need right now in that room. You are able to enter and leave the room with the agility of a real ninja and are able to do so without moving the lightest of feathers.
13. When visiting the house of a friend who doesn’t have children, you arrive and will start child proofing their houses without even thinking about it.
14. You can’t remember the last time you drank a cup of tea whilst it was hot, or even warm. And you are yet to finish a cup of tea.
15. As soon as your mobile phone will ring, your children decide to either start screaming, fighting or start to perform some very dangerous jumps from very high furniture. If your really lucky your children will do all three at the same time.
16. Your telephone conversations, especially when trying to book an important appointment or after being on hold for an hour goes like this… “hi, yes its….(your child comes into the room screaming as he can’t find his toy, you turn to your child and whisper, Mummy will help you look for the toy as soon as I finish on the phone) back on the phone, yes, sorry about that, no i can Talk (your child has now taken to pulling your clothes, to get your attention, you then cover the phone and say you will only be two minutes and go into the kitchen) back on the phone, you try and pretend that you have an idea what the person is discussing (at this point your child is on the floor in the middle of the room screaming at the top of his lungs, you wedge the phone in-between your shoulder and your ear, try and comfort your child and start to lose the will to live)
17. 95% of your most recent watched items on Netflix will be child related, the lone 5% of adult TV has been watched in snippets over the period of many, many months.
18. you have now got the ability to multitask. You are able to watch TV, breastfeed, do some cooking, yell instructions to the other children, text on your phone and still know exactly what is happening in the show.
19. You often wash the same laundry more then once as you keep forgetting to dry the clothes.
20. the most painful thing ever is to ever stand on is a piece of lego and you manage to do it several times, everyday!
21. You have people talking to you when are asleep. Once the conversation has woken you, you refuse to open your eyes and shut them as tight as possible even though the children then decide to walk over you in attempts to wake you. The extra 10 minutes is worth it.
22. 10 minutes of silence is a signal that something is very wrong and the children have discovered and playing with something that they really shouldn’t be playing with. In our house this usually involves sudocream.
23. By 5pm you are exhausted, but when your husband returns home from work and asks you what did you do today, you cannot remember a single thing to tell him. However, mentally you are exhausted.
24. Your children ask you where you are going when you wear a pair of jeans.
25. You have developed bat like hearing senses and are awoken from your sleep after you hear your child sneeze, two bedroom away, whilst your husband snores away next to you.
Hope the above made you smile. regardless of the above, your children will bring you more joy then you will ever know. I love my adventurers wholeheartedly.
This made me laugh. Number 12 is definitely a skill perfected by mums and I do number 19 often. And number 8…. I remember using, a very busy, loo in a shop with my daughter who stated loudly, “oh, you have red pants on today mum. I didn’t know you had red pants”!
Glad you enjoyed it. Your story made me laugh. You gotta love kids, all I can say is that there never is a dull moment when little adventurers are around. 🙂